So apparently THIS is happening:
(Sidenote: If anyone has an early copy of this, I will trade you ANYTHING for it.)
I was a Nickelodeon kid. Watched it morning to night, toddler-hood all the way through adolescence (and embarrassingly beyond). Watching Nick was how I figured out how the world worked (much easier than talking to people). This led to occasional misunderstandings—like the fact that I spent most of my childhood thinking the Canadian accent was actually the “Nickelodeon accent” and they’d just trained all their actors to talk that way. But for the most part, I’d say a life philosophy shaped by You Can’t Do That on Television and Clarissa Explains It All has proven pretty sound over the years.
Still, I have SOME LINGERING QUESTIONS.
1. Where is she now?
2. Hiring Marc Summers to host Double Dare…sadistic joke or happy coincidence?
3. Speaking of Double Dare, did anyone ever actually make it through that obstacle course and win the trip to Space Camp?
4. Why am I apparently the only person who ever watched this show (and if that’s the case, how did it stay on the air)?
5. Also this one.
6. Is it weird that I strive to live my life on the principle WWCD (What Would Clarissa Do)?
7. If the the Roundhouse kids faced off against the Kids Incorporated kids, West Side Story-style (ie dance-off rumble), who would win?
8. Did anyone consider the pedagogical and philosophical ramifications of teaching small children that admitting “I don’t know” would inevitably result in public humiliation and a literal coat of filth? (Alternate question: Can I get a bucket of green slime for myself?)
9. How did this guy become lord and master of all children’s programming?
10. What’s really in the burgers?